Real men don’t care about the environment unless they’re forced to.

Scene 1:

[MAN 1 is buying groceries at a grocery store.]

CHECK-OUT PERSON: Okay, so it’s $37.08.  Paper or plastic?

MAN 1: Plastic.

GREEN POLICEMAN 1 (GP1): That’s the magic word.  Green police!  [GP1 pushes MAN 1 down on counter.]  You picked the wrong day to mess with the ecosystem, plastic boy.

Scene 2:

[Green police are digging through garbage cans in front of a home.]

GP2: Battery!

GP3: Battery.

GP2: Let’s take them out!  Come on!

[Green police, one of whom is dressed in shorts, run toward house.]

Scene 3:

[MAN 2 is standing over a sink at night.  He throws an orange peel in the garbage.  A bright spotlight shines through his window.]

GP4 [speaking via megaphone from a helicopter]: Put the rind down, sir!  That’s a compost infraction!

[MAN 2 runs out of his house and is stopped by a mob of green police.]

Scene 4:

[GP5 is examining the lightbulbs above the stoop of a home, as MAN 3 and his wife look on.]

GP5: Whoa-ho!  Did you install these bulbs?

MAN 3: Yeah?

[Newscast shows MAN 3 being led away from home.]

NEWSCASTER: Tragedy strikes tonight, where a man has just been arrested for possession of an incandescent lightbulb.

Scene 5:

[GP6 is pouring water out of bottles he has confiscated from two teenagers.]

GP6: What do you guys think about plastic bottles now?

Scene 6:

[GP7 and other green police are standing over a hot tub in which MAN 4 is sitting with a woman.]

GP7: The water setting is at 105.

[Green police chase after MAN 4.]

Scene 7:

[Green police have set up an eco roadblock and are driving on scooters and inspecting a long line of cars.]

GP8 [to GP9, indicating car driven by MAN 5]: We got a TVI here?

GP9: Clean diesel.  [To MAN 5.]  You’re good to go, sir!

[MAN 5 is waved on and leaves the long line of cars behind.]

Scene 8:

[SLOGAN appears on screen.]

SLOGAN: Green has never felt so right.

Scene 9:

[GP10 stands over POLICEMAN sitting in car drinking coffee.]

GP10: Good afternoon, officers.  Are those foam cups you’re drinking from?

POLICEMAN: Yeah?

GP10: Please step out of the car and put them on the hood.

—Audi Superbowl commercial, 2010.